Why Does My Birthday Feel Blue?

Is the yearly occurrence of the birthday blues now simply a traditional pretty girl rite of passage?

This year for my cake day aka me day aka since postponed soft launch I wanted to host to spend time with a tribe that I thought I had been building up within the last few years since being home, here back east, more often. Though, unfortunately I am usually a sad girl on my birthday since I was old enough to understand the double entendre that I am; and, a grand reminder of the meaning of this piece of my heart that I am building out to share with you all here. One year before my birthday, my grandmother passed away, so while I always try my best to celebrate myself the way I would any other given day,the heaviness of the day is always something that is on my mind and how that affects my mom and family.

So because of assumed blessings in disguise: plans falling through(S/O Julia and Laisha only) and cancelling others because hurt was all over my face and vibe I got to focus on what really lights me up in this season. A dinner for two and sister tickets to Sip N Slay hosted by EveryStylishGirl to truly bring in a year that I pray brings me more into myself, into my purpose, into God’s plan. Cake day weekend recap: twenty-ate good, stacked knowledge, got wine drunk and gifted a bomb goodie bag. I stepped it up a bit too in true virgo fashion, I got my house in order. Cleaning up while my favorite inner child and teen movies play in the background, throwing things away, swapping out some of my summer pieces for fall ones, revamping my creative/office space to create more for you all..just a full cozy revamp. During the last two weeks, I also took some deep breaks from my socials, probably not the smartest to do in the middle of a brand build out, but still even the Lord took a day. 

In this low-stakes social cleanse (as I still posted something daily to stories for engagement/traffic and lightly scrolled in downtime) I was just urged to pause and wait. In the same way I cleaned my room, I started the process of cleaning out my phones starting with messages,apps, photos and contacts of those and things no longer in alignment with my new era. Now gangstars… I won’t lie, I did have a full BF (*bitch fit*) spiral about hating the way I looked, my hair looked, my look looked, everything. Naturally, seeing my photos from that weekend sent me into more of a tizzy. Then I began to feel the invisible veil of birthday pressure coming down around me. For a few years I diiid have some FOMO, seeing friends poppin’ bottles, throwing parties and catching flights for their cake days, so I always felt like I was missing something. Even a throwback to MTV new episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen made me want my own star-studded party…[so you know I did it big!But that’s another story for another time] and even then I only had about 20 friends in attendance not including like 10 family members and the celebrity guests. This year I had an itch for FOMO redemption but it was quickly met with a cosmopolitan cortisone cure. Instead I focused on family, love and my personal joy. To top off my celebration, I had two birthday cakes and the ‘hood fried chicken spot we used to get at my Granny’s with a chilled pink moscato in my Olivia Pope cup while my sangria sat. I just thank God for the ability to be reflective and sit in and with my thoughts. Most things we want or wish for- even a birthday wish aren’t exactly what you need because in the words of our great Rolling Stones: You can’t always get what you want but if you but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need. That’s exactly what this birthday gave me. 

Twenty-Ate. TwentyEight. Grown. Blessed. 

Thanks for being here.

credit: https://www.wondermind.com/article/birthday-blues/